This crudely animated preview of the Lions/Cowboys playoff game, done by “Taiwanese Animators,” features every storyline that the major networks will cover for the game, including Ndamukong Suh’s foot-stomp on Aaron Rodgers’ calf, Dez Bryant’s antics, and Jerry Jones’ supposed philandering, but it does so in a way that will have your jaw dropping from amazement—something that Terry Bradshaw could never do.

Among the scenes in the video are Suh offering to help DeMarco Murray up from the field before stomping on his broken hand and then using a bulldozer to finish the job, obese Cowboys fans terrorizing a grocery store, Suh getting crushed to death by “Free Agency,” and Reggie Bush being replaced by … a bush.

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Things get a bit NSFW with Jones getting mock fellatio from a bikini-clad woman before Suh stomps his crotch, the woman power-jabs it, Tony Romo sets a flamethrower to it, and finally Bryant gets out a machine gun and goes Tony Montana on the Dallas owner’s nether regions. It may be the most insane football preview ever made, and if there is any justice in the world, these guys will soon have their own hour every Sunday morning on FOX.