Determined to wreck the social life you ostensibly have, FXX has revealed that it will follow its current, extremely popular “Every Simpsons Ever” with yet more Simpsons. This Good Morning Burger approach to programming will see the channel topping off the meat of its 12-day marathon—which has launched FXX into the top five of the basic-cable ratings—by devoting nearly every single night to the rich, creamery butter of more Simpsons mini-marathons.

Leaving just a few hours a day for Parks And Recreation reruns and making sure your children haven’t killed and eaten each other, The Simpsons will now air in blocks on Mondays from 6 p.m. to midnight; Tuesdays from 8 p.m. to midnight; Thursdays from 8 p.m. to midnight; Fridays from 6 p.m. to midnight; and Sundays from 4 to 8 p.m. That makes for a total of 24 hours of Simpsons per week, not counting the myriad other places it airs.


Remember this day, for future historians shall look back on it as the moment the problem of overpopulation was solved, as all human relations were finally just abandoned. (Besides, all those years of TV radiation have left your genitals withered and useless anyway.)