We’re simple people. Our needs are uncomplicated. All we ask for from our Star Wars marketing materials is that they feature adorable space-critters—be they Ewok, Porg, or Baby Yoda. Hell, we’ll even take one of those fish nuns that had to live on a planet with Luke during his hermit phase. But you come to us, not a week after we spent a glorious half-hour with Baby Yoda, with an assortment of character posters and not a single adorable space-critter among them, and you expect us to be grateful? This is blatantly disrespectful, and to be quite honest, it’s hard to see how our professional relationship can move forward amicably under these conditions. Our grumbling will continue publicly until Lucasfilm’s marketing materials improve. We demand proof of Porg-life to assuage our concerns about the state of adorable space-critters in Star Wars, which does not include—despite your casual insistences to the contrary—adorable space-droids.
Here, have some more Star Wars content, this time from The Rise Of Skywalker, which hits theaters on December 20—at which point in time we fully expect to see, with our own eyeballs, multiple Porgs. Anything less than multiple Porgs (and/or Porglets) will be considered a betrayal and will be reported to the Star Wars equivalent of Jimmy Hoffa, which we’re pretty sure is Dave Filoni as of this writing.