Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

These Disney robots will delight, eventually murder you

Many of us have long assumed that our deaths would come at the hands of vengeful robots, mad because some of us advocated beating them up whenever possible. What we did not assume, however, was that said deaths would have such a Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon vibe to them. As can be seen in the video above, Disney Imagineers have been creating flipping, twirling, soaring mechanical acrobats that are truly terrifying.


According to TechCrunch, these flying death machines are part of Disney’s “Stuntronics” project. The project takes advantage of accelerometer, gyroscope, and laser range finding technologies to create human-like robots that can self-correct in mid-air to perform complex acrobatics. Eventually, the hope is that these robots can be used to create more dynamic, realistic ride experiences at Disney’s various theme parks, especially as Disney acquires more and more action-based franchises. From there, can it be that much of a leap from thrilling us with death-defying stunts to killing us in the name of premeditated, cold-blooded murder?

Although robots have been a part of Disney’s theme parks since nearly the beginning, they’ve previously taken the form of animatronics—pre-configured machines confined to certain positions and content to engage in wholesome, family-friendly activities like dancing, singing, or sex trafficking.

Now, we don’t know for sure that one day these things will come to life and kill us all in cold blood. For one thing, artificial intelligence technologies are still in their infancy, decades away from developing the ability to hate. For another, Disney has a lot of very expensive lawyers who would very much like you not to say that sort of thing.

But come on. Be realistic. One of these things is just a goddamn leg, flying through the air, presumably on its way to cave in your skull. Enjoy the show while you can.

Contributor, The A.V. Club.