As Stephen Colbert prepares to host the Late Show over at CBS, we only have one week until The Colbert Report departs basic cable and embraces the sweet oblivion of Death itself. But when Larry Wilmore steps in for The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore, who will give voice to the oppressed majority of conservative white males? While some may argue that there’s an entire network already dedicated to that task, one shouldn’t overlook the tantalizing alternative of personally continuing The Colbert Report’s truthiness-loving mandate.

That alternative has been made possible by charity raffle site Omaze, which is hosting a chance to win The Colbert Report’s official desk and fireplace set. Entrants can select from a series of donation levels, each scaling up in price and number of chances to win. Aside from the possibility of inheriting mojo-infused set pieces from Colbert’s show, raffle entries will benefit the Yellow Ribbon Fund, which helps provide injured service members with support during and after their hospital recovery, and Donorschoose.org, a charity website that allows teachers to submit projects for crowdsourced funding.

Advertisement

Once armed with the necessary desk and/or fireplace, one could presumably carry on with The Colbert Report’s core missions, such as testifying about what’s really going on with migrant farmers, playing cameos in Peter Jackson films, and building a Super PAC. From there, a lucrative pistachio endorsement deal can’t be far behind. Get cracking, America.