Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The U.S. ambassador to Denmark starred in a movie mocked by MST3K, so that’s reassuring

Screenshot: MST3K (YouTube)

You know the old adage: “A’s attract B’s, B’s attract C’s…” and so on. Unfortunately, the English language runs out after only 26 letters, making it somewhat difficult to measure who exactly remains attracted to the Trump administration, but this week The Daily Beast uncovered at least one more person who still willingly remains within Donald’s orbit and, boy, she is something, folks.

Ambassador Carla Sands’ background would likely have been overlooked as yet another insane thread in the grotesque Trump tapestry, were it not for the fact that she’s now in charge of picking up the pieces after our president threw yet another tantrum, this time about not being able to purchase Greenland from the Danish. (The mere act of writing that last sentence almost certainly took a year off our lives). So what was Sands’ CV prior to serving as the official envoy to Denmark? Knowing this administration, we’re pretty confident it wouldn’t be quite applicable to the role of Danish ambassador, but surely some twisted logic could be followed to explain how they appointed her to the position.

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Well, per a simple investigation published today, Sands is none other than a climate change-denying, conspiracy theory-retweeting ex-actress whose credits include a handful of The Bold And The Beautiful episodes, as well as Death Stalker And The Warriors From Hell, a film so bad it was lampooned in a seventh-season episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Sands’ whole deal, apart from Death Stalker, is more in line with what we’ve come to expect—widow to a multimillionaire real-estate mogul, longtime hobnobber within California conservative politics, and possessor of a complete lack of ambassadorial experience apart from being nice to her clients at her chiropractic office (she’s also an ex-chiropractor).

The only silver lining we’re aware of so far is that, in researching the Dano-Norwegian alphabet for this, we learned it consists of a whopping 29 letters. At least now we know what it looks like when Ø’s attract Å’s.

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About the author

Andrew Paul

Andrew Paul's work is recently featured by Rolling Stone, GQ, The Forward, and The Believer, as well as McSweeney's Internet Tendency and TNY's Daily Shouts.