Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The toaster of tomorrow has arrived, and it can print emoji on bread

Toasteroid Campaign Video (Screenshot: YouTube)

Every once in a while, a product arrives that is so thoroughly, extravagantly unnecessary that it becomes paradoxically essential. Such a product is Toasteroid, billed by its creators as “the smartest toaster ever” and a stunning example of what adman Stan Freberg (who would’ve turned 90 this week) referred to as “toastal engineering.”

This is one amazing appliance. For generations, sliced bread has been used as a yardstick of humanity’s achievement, e.g., “This is the greatest thing since sliced bread.” From this point onward, however, toasted bread will be known as the new standard bearer of progress. Thanks to Toasteroid, the world now stands at the precipice of a brave, bold future, one in which toasters are controlled by a smartphone app and can print customized designs, messages, and even weather forecasts onto otherwise humdrum slices of bread.


This half-inspiring, half-terrifying campaign video shows what the machine can do. Needless to say, that crumb-filled Sunbeam two-slicer in the office break room, the one with raisins permanently stuck to the wires, is now officially obsolete. The next era of toast has arrived, and the people in this promo could not possibly be more excited to spread the good news.

How about that, huh? Never has the so-called “internet of things” looked more delicious as part of a complete breakfast. Not even the most visionary of science-fiction writers predicted that toasted bread would one day become a vital medium for both personal expression and the dissemination of information. But that is the miracle of Toasteroid.

Right now, this thing is still a Kickstarter campaign with high hopes. But if Toasteroid ever becomes the kind of appliance sold in stores like Target and Best Buy across the nation, it may need a catchy jingle and an enthusiastic spokesman. Luckily, both of these needs can be met by veteran stand-up comedian Heywood Banks. No one has ever rhapsodized about toast with as much passion as this man.

As Banks so succinctly puts it, “Yeah, toast!”

[via Laughing Squid]


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