You are going to see Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker once it hits every theater in the known world on Friday. That’s not Jedi mind trickery, it’s just a prediction. (Also, if you signed up for Disney+, you are legally bound to buy one ticket, two action figures, and a Chewbacca plushie. Read the fine print.) But since the Disney Empire isn’t content with the natural drawing power of the ninth and final film in a record-breaking, era-defining, nine-movie space saga making most of the money, they’ve also got the movie’s cast and creator out there shilling super-hard on late-night TV. Luckily for us (and Stephen Colbert), the Star Wars gang is all pretty much a bunch of adorable goofballs about it all, especially when plugged into one of The Late Show’s recurring bits, Just One Question.
With various Late Show staffers supposedly caught off guard backstage while doing lightly inexplicable things (Why is that one lady wrapping a pumpkin in Christmas paper?) and asking their own burning Star Wars questions, the bit saw pretty much everyone involved in The Rise Of Skywalker taking whacks at answering. But not really. Oscar Isaac claims his favorite Star Wars character is Spock, and storms off when challenged. (But not before mocking another questioner by whipping out the Bill Marco, Graphic Designer action figure for some roleplay.) Billy Dee Williams force-chokes a guy. (RIP Late Show writer and performer John Thibodeaux.) John Boyega (pointedly not asked about seemingly taking the side of the online chuds harassing co-star Kelly Marie Tran), struggles to explain what a Wookiee is, while Tran herself is surprised by a Late Night crew member’s startlingly accurate homemade lightsaber.
And so it goes, with everyone from Daisy Ridley, Anthony Daniels, J.J. Abrams (don’t ask him about midichlorians or Baby Yoda, please), and new cast additions Keri Russell and Naomi Ackie finally taking turns attempting to sum up nine movies’ worth of convoluted, retconned, and awkwardly avoided (see: midichlorians, Luke kissing Leia) plot details for the benefit of one staffer who claims never to have seen them. Abrams, obligingly, kicks things off by explaining how, obviously, the whole epic space opera was set in motion by two space wizards sent to negotiate trade policy. From there, it’s all farmboys, improbable coincidences, a seemingly inexhaustible supply of “evil metal planets” for the good guys to blow up, a “dog-man-thing majiggybob” (that’s Chewie), and the sister-kissing, and that brings us all up to date.