The petri dish itself (Photo: Getty Images)

Civilization as we (“we” being the type of person who uses the phrase “man cave” without irony) know it continues to crumble as the New York Daily News reports that Playboy Enterprises is expected to put the storied Playboy mansion—which is reportedly looking a little worse for wear these days—on the market as early as next month.

They might have trouble selling it, though, as the listing comes with two huge caveats: Not only is the holding company’s reported $200 million asking price for the property way too high—TMZ cites “real-estate sources” who say it’s really worth more like $80 or $90 million, even with its history—but whoever buys it has to let Hefner continue to live on the property until his death, and $200 million is too much to pay to live with a roommate, especially one who lets his dogs poop in the house. But the mansion does come with access to the famous “Playboy grotto,” location of untold numbers of handjobs performed on minor celebrities by women young enough to be their daughters over the decades. So we’re really looking at something like $200 million, plus a tanker truck full of bleach.

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