Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The next Star Wars movies will be based on a new story, though that's really all anyone knows right now

Illustration for article titled The next Star Wars movies will be based on a new story, though that's really all anyone knows right now

The past 24 hours have been filled with intense speculation over the recently announced, Disney-produced next generation of Star Wars, which is to say jokes involving Disney characters and Jar-Jar Binks and pictures of the Death Star with Mickey Mouse ears Photoshopped on them. Yet somehow, none of this has brought us any closer to any understanding what, exactly, these films will look like, except for their no longer being preceded by the familiar 20th Century Fox fanfare and still looking the same a few years later, because George Lucas wasn't able to go in there and add cartoon aliens.


Nevertheless, today E! and The Wrap both have the first of what will be untold millions of tiny clues to be pored over, if Lucas has his way, for the next 100 years, beginning with the assertion that Star Wars: Episodes 7 through 9 will all be based on "an original story"—not Timothy Zahn's Thrawn Trilogy, as many have suggested or even demanded, and likely not anything else that's been deemed official canon in the Star Wars Expanded Universe. Ergo, your extensive knowledge of all things Joruus C'Baoth and ysalamiri is useless, except for the purposes of getting people to have sex with you.

Instead, it will be based on "nothing you've ever seen or read before"—that is, unless you're Dale Pollock, author of the unauthorized Lucas biography Skywalking, who claims he already read Lucas' plans for 12 overall Star Wars films, back when George Lucas was still talking to him. If you believe Pollock—and you assume that nothing has changed since the 1980s—Episodes 7 through 9 are the "three most exciting stories" of the entire saga, containing "propulsive action, really interesting new worlds, [and] new characters," which is just vague enough to be accurate. However, he also claims that they concern a Luke Skywalker "in his 30s and 40s," meaning the series would have to recast the role if they went in this direction, and everyone would then probably start freaking out about that.

But again, that's presuming that these treatments are still in play, even as new Lucasfilm head Kathleen Kennedy recently said they were just now sitting down with writers to really hammer things out, while other sources have also told The Hollywood Reporter that one of Disney's plans could involve turning Star Wars into "an Avengers-style movie universe," one that would go beyond the next trilogy into spinoff movies focusing on individual characters. These assertions definitely suggest that there's obviously still a lot of new, very fresh decisions being made, well beyond what Pollock may or may not have read 30 years ago, and possibly beyond what Lucas (who, we remind, is no longer in charge) may have had in mind. In short, all this current speculation over what the next Star Wars will look like can be summed up by this just-posted video of a dog humping Carrie Fisher's arm: Enthusiastic, yes, but it's not really going anywhere.