After nearly a year of being free to append our own subtitles to Star Wars: Episode VII, the Disney Empire has finally forced those local systems to fall in line by dispatching an official title. The new Star Wars movie will be called Star Wars: The Force Awakens—a name that confirms the next chapter will find The Force, completely tuckered out after Return Of The Jedi, rubbing the sleep from its eyes after a 30-year nap, ready to greet the daily grind of surrounding and penetrating us.

The announcement was made today by the official Star Wars social media team, which is similarly waking up to greet the day of being surrounded and penetrated by people mocking it.


In the past, The Force has been Unleashed and mentored an Apprentice, unified things, and demonstrated its awesome power by forcing fans to buy the same action figures all over again. Look, it’s earned some rest, all right? Shhhhh. The Force is sleeping, in you, in me, the tree, the rock—everywhere, yes? So keep it down if you happen to be, I don’t know, everywhere.

But like a grumpy Harrison Ford, now the Force will be awakened, ready to bind the galaxy all over again, right after it gets its coffee—and at least until Episode VIII: The Force Just Shuts Its Eyes For 10 More Minutes.