To resolve the many unexplored thematic loose ends left dangling by their previous installments, the next sequels in the Saw and Final Destination franchises are currently being prepped by the musicmakers, the dreamers of dreams, both to be filmed in plot-negating 3D. Lionsgate recently announced that Cary Elwes will reprise his role as Dr. Screaming Doctor in October’s Saw VII 3D; in the film, “as a deadly battle rages over Jigsaw's brutal legacy, a group of Jigsaw survivors gathers to seek the support of self-help guru and fellow survivor Bobby Dagen (Sean Patrick Flanery), a man whose own dark secrets unleash a new wave of terror.” Whether said dark secrets concern a secret past as a hairless, telekinetic albino teenager cannot be confirmed, because we didn’t ask, but rather just commented snarkily about it to ourselves.

Meanwhile, Final Destination 5 is being prepped for a 2011 release by Eric Heisserer, the screenwriter behind Universal’s new The Thing prequel as well as the Nightmare On Elm Street remake. (We promise we’ll have a news story that involves films being made from actual, original ideas one of these days.) While plot details have yet to be revealed—as if they need to be, considering the franchise is basically just a template of interchangeable characters wandering into gruesome setpieces at this point—hints have been dropped that “one scene involves a character undergoing laser-eye surgery.” You’ll just have to use the limitless powers of your imagination to decide how that goes.

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