Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The livestream launch of the MyPillowGuy's "free speech" social media site is a glorious disaster, everyone

A normal response from a normal man in support of a normal president.
A normal response from a normal man in support of a normal president.
Photo: Justin Sullivan (Getty Images)

We’re on Day Two of Mike Lindell’s livestream “launch” of Frank, the MAGA cultist MyPillow CEO’s new “free speech” “social media” “platform.” We feel compelled to use so many quotations because there are many addendums to that statement. “Launch” is being generous, given that technical difficulties made it initially impossible for visitors to sign up for the service—Mike blames this on Antifa hackers, for what it’s worth (which is nothing). “Free speech” needs an asterisk, too, because Lindell at one point alleged, “You don’t get to use the four swear words: the c-word, the n-word, the f-word, or God’s name in vain.” So there’s that. “Social media” also needs clarification, because: see “launch.”

Advertisement

And, finally, “platform” is a bit inaccurate, since it’s hard to describe a flaming, capsized ocean barge of toupee adhesive and crushed Vyvanse as anything close to solid footing.

Last night, Jimmy Kimmel gave a solid summary for Day One of Frankathon (Lindell’s coinage, not ours), including a rundown of the star-studded guest appearances: Gen. Mike Flynn, Ben Carson, Scott Baio, Steve Bannon, and Ted Nugent. “I gotchu, Mike! Happy Springtime to you. Thank you for being on the frontlines for freedom. We salute you,” Nugent said at one point, implying the “frontlines for freedom” is located in the basement of Lindell’s Minnesota undisclosed location McMansion.

At some point during the livestream, Lindell seems to genuinely believe the Frank staff got Donald Trump on the phone. It was not, in fact, Donald Trump.

Visitors receive this message upon clicking Frank’s “About” section. I did not willfully register, nor log in.
Visitors receive this message upon clicking Frank’s “About” section. I did not willfully register, nor log in.
Screenshot: Andrew Paul

“I did my due diligence. You can’t take that from me,” Lindell spat shortly before this write-up. “I don’t have to validate!” (He was talking about his research into Dominion voter fraud allegations, not livestream guest vetting).

As of penning this piece, Frank is streaming Lindell’s Absolute Proof: Exposing Election Fraud And The Theft Of America By Enemies Foreign And Domestic “documentary.” Again, we feel the strong need to employ quotations here. Also, we should probably clarify “streaming,” since it’s just the audio playing on Frank’s home page. You have to navigate over to the Absolute Series tab to actually play the movie.

Advertisement

So, yeah. Mike Lindell’s Frankathon is going great, everyone.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Advertisement

Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).