Today in Alien Vs. Predator news—where whoever wins, we lose—the Justice Department is reportedly planning to appeal the court ruling that approved the merger between AT&T and Time Warner. That means we’ve got the Trump administration on one side and and an unstoppably giant telecom monstrosity on the other, both of which would gladly chew us all up and use our bones to construct an infernal murder machine that can be used to chew people up more efficiently.
Anyway, this comes from The Verge, which says the initial decision to approve the merger was a “severe rebuke of the Trump administration’s antitrust enforcement team,” which had been opposed to the merger for a long time. Plus, the legal justification for the approval was supposedly a little shaky, giving Trump’s DOJ an opening to argue that it shouldn’t have been allowed in the first place.
That being said, we’re talking about the Trump administration here, and there is supposedly a much stupider reason for why the DOJ is so opposed to this. Back in November, we noted there were rumors that the Trump administration had been suggesting that it would only approve of the AT&T/Time Warner merger if Time Warner would agree to sell off Turner, the parent company of CNN. This was apparently an attempt to indirectly “punish” the news network for its supposed anti-Trump bias, and while none of that was confirmed in any way, it definitely seems like the sort of underhanded thing Trump and his cronies would do.
Which brings us back to the initial point: Who do we side with? Do we give Trump his little victory by letting him stop the merger? Or do we sign billion-year contracts in service of the space god AT&T? We honestly have no idea. Someone please tell us.