Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The goats have seized their opportunity to take over a Welsh resort town

Illustration for article titled The goats have seized their opportunity to take over a Welsh resort town
Photo: Peter Byrne - PA Images (Getty Images)

As grim as things may be right now, the pandemic offers opportunities to those able to spot them. Take, for example, the enterprising goats of Llandudno, Wales, which have figured out that the current lock down means there are no humans to get in the way of their municipal takeover.

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Starting last Thursday, Andrew Stuart has been documenting the goat occupation. His first encounter began in the middle of the night when, after first thinking he “was seeing things,” Stuart started recording about a dozen goats walking down the middle of the road and posting up at a big hedge as if it was a banquet table.

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Stuart called the police, who scared off the herd and must have believed that what he’d witnessed was a one-off goat skirmish rather than the initial scouting party of a much larger invasion force.

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Before long, the goats returned, now brazen enough to start chomping through hedges and climbing all over the place in the full light of day.

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Yesterday, they returned again in force, establishing fleecy garrisons that are now establishing their dominance by strolling around and eating whatever they want with impunity.

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They are, as Stuart continues to show the world, not going away anytime soon. With the humans indoors, the goats have discovered an undefended town perfect for establishing the world’s first animal-led state. Soon, if the goats believe in any form of democracy, they will elect leaders to better coordinate themselves. They will, if it’s possible not to eat the delicious paper before it’s filed, formalize their takeover with proper documentation. Llandudno will be renamed to something more appropriate to goatkind—Baahsburgh, perhaps, or, in tribute to their favorite food, Tincansville. A constitution will be written up to establish proper goat liberties, such as the ability to freely jump on and head-butt whatever they want.

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Stuart wrote yesterday that “they’re scared of me (a human)“ and “don’t like people,” which seemed to indicate that the invasion might be thwarted as soon as the town’s lockdown lifts.

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But it wasn’t long until a new morning dawned and he witnessed the goats just standing around in the middle of the road, defiant and apparently no longer afraid of cars or people. Obviously, he was wrong. They’re not afraid of people. They’re not afraid of anything.

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“Llandudno is run by goats,” he states in one of his latest tweets. We can imagine him finishing this dispatch to the outside world with a sentence that goes, “But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished” before hastily deleting it, feeling the slit-pupil’d gaze of his new goat overlord from behind his back.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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