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The FAA has declared the Area 51 region a no-fly zone… but why?

Illustration: Lena_graphics (Getty Images)

This weekend, the Area 51 aliens go free. There were times throughout this summer when we’ve doubted this would be the case: The initial wave of optimism inspired by a Facebook post that urged truth-seekers to overrun the facility to “see them aliens” was tempered by killjoy admonitions not to come, and its organizers pulling out of the original event to avoid causing a second Fyre Fest. And yet, somehow, having given up hope for an event that will change our understanding of humanity’s place in the universe forevermore, everything’s changed at the last minute.

The government, using the roundabout excuse of declaring a temporary no-fly zone over parts of Nevada this weekend, is obviously planning to release the aliens.

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According to the tireless ET chroniclers at CNET,  whose Erin Carson, presumably sitting in a dimly lit basement office, desks piled high with partially redacted documents and air hazy with clouds of cigarette smoke, has reported two Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) notices that call for “temporary flight restrictions for special security reasons” in the vicinity of Area 51 from today through Monday, September 23. No aircraft will be allowed to enter a no-fly zone set around the small town of Rachel, Nevada, and the nearby Air Force base, which, despite AlienStock having been moved to downtown Las Vegas in order to avoid chaos, will still likely be swarmed by determined visitors.

With this FAA order, the full picture has at last come clear. The AlienStock organizers must have struck a deal, agreeing to draw off as much of the crowd as possible to their Las Vegas party so the glassy-eyed little freaks hiding beneath the desert floor would be able to scuttle out of their base and take to the skies without alarming huge crowds of onlookers. The skies free of unnecessary planes and helicopters, government workers alone will be able to shepherd the UFOs from their secret home and back up into space.

The aliens, in other words, are about to go free. The event worked and we’ve freed our unearthly friends. Let’s hope they remember that large portions of humanity helped them when they inevitably return to our planet, armed to the teeth with laser guns and photon rays, to seek revenge against those who held them captive for so long.

[via The Daily Dot]

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About the author

Reid McCarter

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.