Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The Black Eyed Peas to stop, just stop for a while

The ominous, Orwellian Ministry of Music known as the Black Eyed Peas has declared that it will cease public enterprise for an indefinite amount of time, returning to the sort of clandestine activity that characterized the four-year respite between 2005’s Monkey Business and The E.N.D. Fergie, the organization’s Secretary of Bending Over Suggestively, broadcast the announcement during a recent U.K. rally (seen in the video below), informing the crowd in attendance that what they were experiencing was “very special,” because it marked the last time “for a long time” that their song-synthesizing programs would be operational in that region.

Her speech was followed soon thereafter by a confirmation from Will.I.Am—Director of Branding, Musical Repurposing, and Linguistic Deconstruction—that they would indeed “take a break,” but admonished all that “it doesn’t mean we stop creating,” notably leaving his definition of “creating” ambiguous, as always. By framing their shutdown as murky and open-ended, the Black Eyed Peas’ administrators have successfully created an aura of uneasy relief fraught with paranoia, which is the perfect atmosphere in which to fracture into various unpredictable solo agencies. Citizens are urged not to let down their vigilance.

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