Not to be outdone by Lionsgate’s forward-thinking strategy of affixing some cheap stereoscopic siding over a creaky, paint-slapped old property, Hannibal Classics has announced plans to reboot, again, the Amityville Horror franchise with the spin-off The Amityville Legacy 3-D. And perhaps realizing that the long-running haunted-house story is by now so predictable, where plot is secondary to the “dazzling set pieces” that are the only remaining reason to see the same slightly variegated scares, the company has issued in its press release a ridiculously detailed synopsis of exactly what will happen in the movie—spoiling every “surprise” along the way—that you can read right here. Of course, anyone headed to see this isn’t exactly looking for surprises, we suppose, but rarely do you see a film so aware of its own formula that it doesn’t mind just printing the contents right on the can. It’s kind of ballsy, actually. Balls 3-D.

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