Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

The 21st century's first great inventor is this kid who made a cheese-dispensing tube of lip balm

Screenshot: Troom Troom (YouTube)

Every year, it becomes harder and harder to come up with great new inventions. In a world where we already have chocolate tacos, recreational laser-gun deathmatches, voice-muzzling privacy masks, and USB-enabled pet rocks, there seem to be fewer new ideas left for the innovators among us to turn into reality. This makes it all the more impressive when someone, like the 9-year-old responsible for a lip balm tube that dispenses cheese, taps into areas of the market the rest of us are too unimaginative to ever consider.

As tweeted out by her mother, reporter Valerie Schremp Hahn, the St. Louis fourth-grader crafted the device in order to eat delicious, forbidden cheese while in class. The idea, like so many great ideas, is simple: A bunch of cheese is wedged into a tube and can be enjoyed on demand with nobody the wiser (except, of course, those wondering why a kid’s munching on ChapStick).


Buzzfeed News’ Stephanie K. Baer spoke to the child genius who has forever revolutionized furtive cheese-eating with her incredible invention. After learning that the cheese in question is “sharp cheddar from Aldi’s” and that the device’s first live test at school yesterday was a success, Schremp Hahn’s daughter provided a series of quotes destined to earn pride of place on statues dedicated to her trailblazing engineering efforts.

“You can lick it and no one will know,” she says, advertising the main feature of the CheeseStick, later adding that “Cheese is amazing.” In apparent agreement with her kid, Schremp Hahn’s tweet showing her daughter’s work has spread far and wide, gaining acknowledgement from many on social media.


To be fair, Schremp Hahn’s daughter didn’t come up with the cheese tube entirely on her own. A morally upright scientist, she credits a video from YouTube channel Troom Troom called “14 Weird Ways To Sneak Food Into Class” for the idea. The clip shows how to fill a glue stick with secret cheese in one instance and an empty lipstick tube with candy in another. By combining these two concepts after “looking on YouTube because I was bored,” the 9-year-old was able to make something far grander than what was shown in the source material.


In a credit to her school, Schremp Hahn has said that the enterprising young cheese engineer will be celebrated in a newsletter by her principal. This is a good decision. The youth are our future, after all, and those among them creative enough to craft new, clandestine cheese delivery vessels represent a shining hope for generations to come.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com


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About the author

Reid McCarter

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.