Naturally, we are all in hushed, daily awe of the epochal shadow cast by Woodstock, which was sort of like what you kids call “Lollapalooza” except IT CHANGED THE WORLD, MAN, and—perhaps most importantly—helped Demetri Martin realize his dream of being an interior decorator. But unfortunately, what some cynics most readily associate with Woodstock are not the amazing performances by Sha Na Na et al., but rather the unfortunate prevalence of dirty hippie drugs, which launched our impressionable youth on a decades-long nightmare of euphoria, brotherly love, and soul-searching that we're only now waking up from. But according to a press release we received today, the Spirit Of Woodstock is still alive, except it’s spent the last few years trying to get its shit together with the help of a higher power, and it’s totally ready to party again, just as long as it’s not so much a “why don’t we do it in the road?” free-for-all as a “why don’t we politely discuss the importance of fellowship?” sort of thing. Sign up now for The 12 Step Music Fest, which is not at all kind of sad!

12 Step Music Fest is a campout for ALL 12 step fellowships. It will be held November 5-8 2009 at Sugarloaf Key (mile marker 20) KOA Campground in the Florida Keys. The entire campground will be closed to the public. It's a mini Woodstock, minus the drugs and alcohol, but add meetings and fellowship!

Yes, it’s totally like Woodstock, but instead of dropping LSD, enjoying free love, and talking about the collective consciousness, you’ll be drinking black coffee, enjoying confessionals from former addicts, and discussing coping strategies! In Florida! But of course, the thing that mattered most about Woodstock was the music, and the 12 Step Music Fest is also about more than just reminding former addicts how irritating it is that, now that their entire lives revolve around staying sober, they can only be trusted to have fun in a heavily monitored “safe” environment. It’s also about gathering big names like, uh, temporary Aerosmith guitarist Richie Supa and “recovery comedian” Mark Lundholm, who will prove that being clean and sober doesn’t mean you can’t rock and/or laugh, so long as it's in the name of repentance. It’s all about cutting loose and being free, brother—except there’s absolutely no drinking, no using drugs, no gambling, and no smoking, and instead of being actually free, it costs around $125 per person. Okay, so maybe the actual Woodstock had that slight advantage. But did Woodstock have this?

We will have floating meetings, yes meetings in the ocean, bring your rafts and noodles!! There will be a 24 hour marathon tent for AA meetings, a 24 hour marathon tent for NA meetings, and a 3rd tent available 24 hours for sign up for other fellowships and special interest meetings.

Fellowship meetings on floating "noodles," 24-hour marathon AA meetings… Who says you need drugs and alcohol to have fun? Who says that maybe it’s a bit reaching (if not a little insensitive, considering) to compare your “clean-and-sober” festival to an event so legendarily druggy, all the hippie shit left on Max Yasgur’s farm probably sprouted peyote? Hey, it’s just good marketing—and come to think it, maybe that’s really what Woodstock is about.