So that video of Dennis Quaid freaking out that we all suspected might have been fake, but went along with anyway because he called a guy “Dopey Dick” and that’s pretty funny, turned out to be a fake. Funny Or Die has come forward to claim credit for the video, which, as it turns out, was a bit of viral marketing for an online comedy video—the teaser for a trailer of the comedy world—and not a Jimmy Kimmel prank.
In the video, Quaid further erodes the sacred compact between enraged celebrity and outraged public by revealing that he was actually yelling at a guy in a penis costume, some people in zombie makeup, and a basket full of kittens, because “pussy” is a humorous, if rather archaic, synonym for “cat.” It all explains the whole thing quite neatly, to which we here at The A.V. Club say—nice try, Funny Or Die.
We all know that Dennis Quaid shares a last name and first initial with Douglas Quaid, the hero of Total Recall, another movie about a man who thought his life/internet gossip fodder was one thing, but then it turned out to be an elaborate lie constructed by sinister forces trying to keep him from discovering the truth about himself/that video that was trending on Facebook earlier. That makes Funny Or Die the Sharon Stone in this situation, desperately trying to pummel Quaid with dick jokes so Randy Quaid doesn‘t discover a video of himself, now called “Hauser” for some reason, actually freaking out on the set of a movie directed by some guy named “Kuato,” sending him on a journey that will lead to a global insurrection and a lady with three boobs in a Rupert Murdoch mask.