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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Terrifying Lizard-Beast Of Krakow turns out to be croissant stuck in bush

An approximation of the bready scourge of Krakow.
An approximation of the bready scourge of Krakow.
Graphic: Reid McCarter, Photo: Tiziana Fabi (Getty Images)

The people of Krakow, Poland have just emerged from a terrifying brush with the paranormal. For two days this week, residents locked their windows and gazed fearfully at the outside world as a bizarre, lizard-like cryptid sat perched in a bush, presumably thirsting for warm blood. Officials finally confronted the beast and learned that it was...a croissant stuck in some branches.

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The city’s animal welfare society, which the BBC assures us has “said the incident was genuine,” was contacted by a frightened woman earlier this week who reported that “an unidentified animal” had been sitting in a bush for two days straight. “People aren’t opening their windows because they’re afraid it will go into their house,” she said.

Krakow’s animal welfare group asked whether the creature was “a bird of prey,” and the caller reportedly replied that “it looked more like a ‘lagun’—Polish for lagoon—before remembering the correct word ‘legwanl, or iguana.”

When investigators arrived to collar the strange beast, wondering if they were going to come across an abandoned pet iguana that was too cold to move, they discovered a croissant in a tree. The group posted a transcript of the horrified call on Facebook and a description of the moment it was cornered. The author, in the words of the automatically translated English post, describes “carefully reviewing bushes” while “looking for the window monster” until finally discovering the “poor guy [with] no legs or head” on a lilac branch. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be a discarded croissant.

In the same post, we see a photo of the terrible monster, ready to pounce on unsuspecting passersby and, we guess, ask to be warmed up for a few seconds in a toaster so it can be enjoyed with jam and coffee. Gaze upon the dread Lizard-Beast Of Krakow if ye dare....

[via Boing Boing]

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.