On Tuesday’s Conan, Loving Pablo star Javier Bardem told host Conan O’Brien about the most chilling line he gets to say in the film about infamous Colombian drug kingpin Pablo Escobar. From the former Anton Chigurh (he of the deadpan coin flips of doom), that’s saying something, but, indeed, Bardem successfully wigged out viewers with yet another pre-assassination pronouncement designed to send a victim off to the great beyond in damp underpants.
Thankfully, Bardem is a lot less terrifying in real life, as he revealed himself throughout the interview to be just a big, hunky goofball. (The kind of guy who has his Loving Pablo character’s most upsetting quote printed up on baseball caps for the cast and crew.) And, speaking of wigging out, Bardem also brought along a bagful of accessories for his second career as the world’s most unnerving prop comic, donning a cheap ginger Conan wig and demanding that O’Brien similarly try on a dime store version of Escobar’s unruly hair and mustache. “Do you know hard it is for me to look at you and see that thing moving,” asked Bardem of Conan’s signature swoop of hair, continuing, “and pretend that nothing is wrong?” Add to that the star’s tale of his quest for the perfect flabby Escobar butt double, the fact that he claims to have no idea who the Kardashians are (“Have they invented any vaccine that I should know of?”), and that the Spanish actor’s first English lessons came from AC/DC albums, and it’s all almost adorable enough to make you forget he’s so good at freaking you out.