Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Tekashi 6ix9ine adds fate-tempting $10 million record deal to his big list of fate-tempting stuff

Photo: Shareif Ziyadat (Getty Images)

We’re not sure if the federal witness protection program has an actual handbook it gives out to participants titled “How not to be recognized (and then subsequently murdered) by the various criminals and murderers you informed against,” but we have to imagine that at least some sort of useful FAQ ends up in potential program members’ hands. If we’re continuing down this hypothetical “Don’t get kidnapped and killed by people who you testified like to kidnap and kill people” tack, at least one of those helpful little tips has pretty much got to be “Don’t draw attention to yourself by, for instance, signing a headline-making $10 million record deal before you’ve even left jail.”

And yet, rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine has always been a trend-setter, and a breaker from conventional norms. (Stuff like “bright rainbow hair,” for instance, and also “maybe don’t get shot.”) Hence the report from TMZ today that, even though 6ix9ine is still currently in prison—on a variety of charges related to his involvement with the Nine Trey Gangsta Bloods gang, members of which he subsequently informed against—he’s already lined up an extremely lucrative contract with his former label 10K Projects. And while this is all apparently contingent on him getting some kind of early release (which most people are assuming was at least a tacit part of the deal that led him to testify against his former friends in the first place), it does sound like he’s got at least two albums already in the works—an ambitious release plan even for artists who haven’t given themselves an, uh…

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You know, we were really trying to end that last paragraph on any words except “potential death sentence,” but sometimes the muse just doesn’t come.

Anyway, Tekashi made headlines last month when he announced that he’d be skipping witness protection, instead relying on private security to keep him from getting “violated,” as at least one of the people he spilled info on has been recorded as suggesting might be a fitting fate. To be fair, $10 million pays for a lot of bodyguards, even if it’s a less surefire strategy for staying alive than dyeing your hair, covering your tattoos, and becoming a Midwestern middle manager named “Dennis” who really loves to “cut loose” on karaoke nights.

Per Vulture, 6ix9ine is already “making moves” to get his music career running again from prison; he’s got a sentencing hearing set for December 18, which’ll determine whether he’ll be free to blissfully lemming his way to his dreams of future headlines—content TBD, but hopefully not DOA—or not.

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