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Ted Haggard to bounce back from that whole male-hookers-and-meth thing with a reality show

The road to redemption for disgraced minister Ted Haggard has not been an easy one, ever since getting busted for having an affair with a male prostitute and doing crystal meth, then getting booted out of his leadership role at the National Association of Evangelicals—which is the sort of life-upending career disaster that just makes you want to stay in bed all day, doing crystal meth with male prostitutes. Rebounding from that sort of public relations scandal, while also attempting to rebuild the life you have with your five children and wife—whom you definitely love more than male prostitutes—takes a lot of non-crystal-meth-induced inner strength and hard work. And what better way to seriously address those struggles than by acting them out for the cameras in your very own TLC reality show?

According to EW, the same network responsible for both gawking at and enabling Sarah Palin and the mothers behind Toddlers And Tiaras has granted Haggard an upcoming one-hour special as a possible springboard for a full series, in which Haggard—who says, “My family and I endured the darkest hours imaginable in the public spotlight, and have spent the last four years fighting and struggling to rebuild our lives, our faith and our family”—will once again put his family in said spotlight for the purpose of “showing the world the new chapter of our lives” and inspiring others to “embrace the power of acceptance.” Acceptance, like accepting that you're completely heterosexual after three weeks of intense therapy sessions that completely cured you of your sinful urges, like the urge to spend three years paying a man to have sex with you and provide you with meth, because you are totally into your wife, and definitely not other men. Inspiring people to embrace "acceptance," as reality shows are so often wont to do.


Anyway, the special, premiering Jan. 16, will bear the title Ted Haggard: Scandalous—which yes, certainly suggests it’s an all-new chapter—and will find Haggard working to rebuild his ministry in the same Colorado Springs community he was originally forced out of, centering around his St. James Church Haggard says he founded “as an act of humble repentance.” And again, what better way to ensure that humility and thus avoid those old let-me-just-get-a-quick-massage-and-some-meth-from-this-guy temptations of success than by becoming a reality TV star?

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