It’s already been proven that Ted Cruz is godawful at Simpsons impressions. Clearly, that experience left him hungry to try an impression that maybe wouldn’t suck quite so bad, so now the sentient package of homophobic Saltine crackers has turned his attention to The Princess Bride. Taking a brief break from what is now a years-long, ongoing impression of a Rodent Of Unusual Size, Cruz launched into an impression of the scene in which Billy Crystal’s Miracle Max tries to avoid reviving the “mostly dead” Wesley.
Mediaite reports the presidential candidate was speaking to a local New Hampshire ABC affiliate when he began describing his “favorite scene” from the movie. He then proceeds to act out the scene, not just doing a semi-decent Crystal impression, but also a wretched version of Mandy Patinkin’s Inigo Montoya and Carol Kane’s “Liar! Liarrrr,” essentially becoming the guy at parties who reenacts entire scenes from shows while you smile politely and wish you were elsewhere. The journalists in the room, however, applauded—presumably in awe, because, as even Cruz notes afterwards, “My media team is now having a heart attack.” They’re likely simply wishing that they, too, were mostly dead. Watch the following clip at your own risk, then picture this guy trying to hold a state dinner with, say, the German Chancellor. It’s like watching John Kerry try to be folksy, but without the nagging sense of humanity.