Good screaming, boils and ghouls! You didn’t think I’d pass up the chance to make a bunch of corny puns off of the latest Tales From The Crypt news, did you? Yes, that horse is dead, but so’s the Cryptkeeper, kiddies! And I’m going to keep beating it! That’s what you get for betting on the groan-ies! AHhahahahaahahahahahaHA!
But we’re not here to beat dead horses. We’ll save that for dessert. We’re here to talk about the news that Turner Broadcasting, the scare-ent company for my re-boo-ted series of televised terror tales, has partnered with a fan-fiction site called Wattpad to dig up fresh gory-lines for the new season of Tales From The Crypt! Now, I’ve been dead a long time, kiddies, and this crowdsourcing thing is new to your pal the Cryptkeeper. As far as I can tell, it means that, instead of hiring professional writers to spin scarifying scripts, you just go on the internet and get those same stories for free! (Turner also says it will use Wattpad to get an idea of which themes and subgenres are popular among horror fans these days.) Or almost free—The Wall Street Journal reports that Wattpad writers whose material ends up on the show will “will take part financially” in the dead-velopment process. But that could mean anything, kiddies, from a cursed piggy bank that spits out poison pennies to bad old-fashioned dead-siduals!
Just take a tip from me, and make sure to hang on to your hurt-chandising rights. You think these elaborate set pieces pay for themselves? No way! Somebody’s got to keep the frights on around here, and it’s your pal the Cryptkeeper! Now get back to your keyboards, kiddies, and write me some horror stories. Who knows—it could be a real scare-eer oppor-boo-nity! HahahahahahahahahahahahaHAhahaaaaaaaaaa!