Jake Gyllenhaal’s great—a handsome dude who seems to genuinely try to be in good movies, and also, for some reason, video game movies. (Please don’t make a movie about The Division.) He’s in Tom Ford’s Nocturnal Animals, and next year he’ll be in films by David Gordon Green and Bong Joon-ho and a big sci-fi flick called Life. That’s a lot of Jake Gyllenhaal!
But is it not enough? Then enter The Gyllenhall.
The Gyllenhall is an endless hall of Jake Gyllenhaal. All the walls in the hall are Gyllenhaal. As you journey down the Gyllenhall, you will see publicity images of Jake Gyllenhaal—bearded Gyllenhaal, puckish Gyllenhaal, Gyllenhaal styled and gazing to the side, or wrapped up in a sweater and sauntering up to some stylish event.
Jake Gyllenhaal gets the jokes, and he smiles. Jake Gyllenhaal waves hello to members of the press. There are lights at the top of the Gyllenhaal, and they are reflected on the polished floor of the Gyllenhall. And throughout the Gyllenhall echoes his legendary line from Brokeback Mountain: “I wish I knew how to quit you.”
But who is it that cannot quit? Who is it that walks down the hall? It is us all. And though the hall does not end, we know who waits for us there: It is Jake.
Eventually, though, you need to leave the Gyllenhall. It was designed—unlocked, perhaps—by copywriter Zack Johnson and art director Paul Feldman, who have a host of other goofy projects on their respective websites. As of yet, there is no Maggie Gyllenhall, nor a Michael C. Hall, nor a Paul Wall, but with time, these wings of the internet may too be discovered.