These days, anyone can take a few hours of their time and cobble together a supercut from a movie. All the times Garth says, “Wayne?” in Wayne’s World, for example, or maybe every time someone says “fuck” in Goodfellas. The point is, it’s tougher to stand out among the sea of supercuts angling for your attention in this crowded marketplace of ways to spend a few minutes of your time, before James from HR pulls you in to that meeting about why you always seem to get sick on the Fridays before three-day weekends.
This compilation from YouTube’s Auralnauts, on the other hand, takes its time (and does everything right). It’s a supercut of every single time Sylvester “Sentient Human Growth Hormone” Stallone has murdered someone for the enjoyment of a viewing audience. They go through every film, every TV show, possibly even every home video surveillance camera, in which case someone please call the police, because this man is psychotic. The final tally? 539 kills spread out across 71 credits, including the glorious scene in Nighthawks where he murders Rutger Hauer while pretending to be a woman. It’s hard work being Sly, unless of course you enjoy the sight of blood, which he totally does. The whole thing is surprisingly satisfying, if you have 35 minutes to spare. If not, Peter Javidpour’s Flash game of Rambo: Last Blood is still the most entertaining thing with which Stallone’s likeness has been affiliated.