Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Sylvester Stallone and Dolph Lundgren making TV pilot that's somehow not a wacky buddy sitcom

“Huh, this lug? I guess I’ll keep him!”
Photo: Todd Williamson (Getty Images)

Look, just bear with us for a second here. Pretend, for a moment, that you were Dolph Lundgren or Sylvester Stallone. (We’ll give you a minute to get your bearings. Damn, you’re big!) Now, imagine that you were invited to make a TV pilot alongside your old pal Dolph/Sylvester (whichever one you aren’t for the purpose of this delightful hypothetical), tapping into your decades-long associations with each other, including roles in Rocky IV, Creed 2, and the Expendables movies. Now, given infinite time and resources, would you choose to make that project another probably super-grim hour-long action series where one of you plays a super spy martial arts expert soldiers of fortune who’s unflappable in the face of international terror? Or would you make it a wacky multi-cam sitcom, all about whatever the fuck Dolph Lundgren and Sylvester Stallone actually fucking talk about whenever they move within each other’s naturally massive orbits?

Sadly, reality failed to take our notes yet again today, as Variety reports that Lundgren and Stallone are coming together on a project called The International, in which Lundgren will star as some kind of negotiator/spy character who probably never even asks people how much they bench. Stallone, meanwhile, won’t even appear; he’ll instead be serving as a producer and director on the show, and not as the Kramer-esque neighbor constantly barging in to ask if her can borrow some free weights from his buddy Dolph. (In our conception of this series, it’s pretty much all weightlifting stuff.) CBS has given a put-pilot order to The International, which is being written and produced by Numb3rs producer Ken Sanzel.

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