Allhiphop.com is reporting that the eternally controversial Kanye West must serve fifty hours of community service for breaking the still camera and video camera of a photographer. Kanye and road manager Don Crawley settled out of court with the photographer for an undisclosed sum, proving yet again that freedom from punishment is a luxury often afforded the rich in God's United States.
There's no word yet on what form the community service might take. I hope Kanye is forced to blog PSAs like STAY IN SCHOOL YOU FUCKING SQUIDBRAINS! I WORKED SO FUCKING HARD WRITING THIS MESSAGE THAT I BROKE MY KEYBOARD, MY HEAD AND MY COMPUTER! SO JUST STAY IN FUCKING SCHOOL!
This reminds me of my all-time favorite Community Service story: apparently "Return of the Mack" hitmaker Mark Morrison hired a lookalike in big shades to do his community service. Classy! He was sentenced to a year in jail for his trickery. He hopefully ended up serving that time himself instead of dispensing a doppelganger on his behalf. I doubt even Kanye has that kind of chutzpah, however. Will 50 hours of incredibly soft time humble hip hop's most beloved loose canon? Probably not, yet we remain, as always, cautiously optimistic.