Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Sure, why not: Here's Chris Sarandon reading from a Ninja Turtles coloring book

Illustration for article titled Sure, why not: Heres Chris Sarandon reading from a iNinja Turtles/i coloring book
Photo: Left: Che Rosales/ Right: Noam Galai (Getty Images)

Thanks to modern technology, ordinary people are now equipped like never before to enact our stupidest possible ideas. This is especially clear in the case of Cameo, the site that lets you pay celebrities to say pretty much whatever you want them to say in exchange for a fee. The number of ways to use this business model are endless, but, in the past, we’ve seen it put to good use as a way to have Mark McGrath, the POD singer, and Anthony Scaramucci talk you through a break-up or consider whether it’s worth spending some money to get monstrous Game Of Thrones villains to stare ominously into a camera.

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Now, Fright Night, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and The Princess Bride’s Chris Sarandon has appeared to show another use case for the service: Getting an actor to read powerful excerpts from 1988 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles coloring books.

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The clip comes courtesy of @DinosaurDracula, who commissioned the video for the benefit of us all. Sarandon, the camera pushed in close to his face, betrays no emotion as he takes to his task, saying ‘hello’ and then proceeding to read through a passage of timeless literature.

“Michelangelo follows Leonardo and they slip between Krang’s shoulder plates,” he says with stoic gravitas. “Krang doesn’t even notice. He’s turned his arms into crossbows and is trying to shoot down the blimp.”

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What emotions these words stir up in Sarandon is unknowable. He simply recites them, reserving judgement and analysis for those who listen. Does Sarandon have any sympathy for Krang’s deadly mission or fear for the plight of brave Leo and Mike? Does he believe the excerpt, with its mention of crossbow arms, is meant to expose the dangers of increasingly sophisticated military technology? This is not for us to know. Sarandon is an actor and, as an actor, is merely the vessel through which art is communicated.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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