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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Star Wars now preventing birds from getting laid

Illustration for article titled iStar Wars/i now preventing birds from getting laid

J.J. Abrams continues to find all of the most magical places on non-computer Earth to shoot the next Star Wars film, and according to The Hollywood Reporter, the production will soon be travelling to the small island of Skellig Michael, off the coast of County Kerry in Ireland. Home to an abandoned, sixth-century Christian monastery and at least 7.2 miles from any drunken, yelling Irish people, the quiet location would seem ideal for Episode VII: Revenge Of The Shhhhh, which is now rumored to involve the cast sitting very still so that no spaceships fall on them. Unfortunately, with the production around, there is one thing it is not so ideal for, and that is puffins fucking.

According to The Guardian, several Irish wildlife conservationists have already raised concerns that the shoot could affect the many puffins, peregrine falcons, and guillemots that use Skellig Michael as their own personal fuck palace this time of year. “It would have been preferable if filming took place out of the breeding season, in September, when I believe it was originally scheduled,” said Dr. Steve Newton, a local bird pervert.

Unfortunately, Harrison Ford’s injury has forced that schedule to be reshuffled. This proves the old “chaos theory” effect of a Harrison Ford breaking his ankle in London, and suddenly, somewhere, a puffin isn’t getting any.


Nevertheless, the Irish Film Board assures that the Star Wars shoot has already met with the approval of the National Parks and Wildlife Service, and that it has been “designed specifically to avoid disturbance of breeding birds.” After all, if there’s one thing Star Wars has never stood in the way of, it’s lots and lots of sex.

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