As if there weren’t already enough ways to blow money at Whole Foods, Grub Street brings word that the grocery store chain/symbol of bourgeois decadence is considering adding tattoo parlors to its stores, a feature that should go perfectly with the wine bar. Specifically, the artisanal, locally sourced, fair trade stick-and-pokes would be part of the “Friends of 365” program, an assortment of third-party vendors that will be invited to set up booths inside Whole Foods’ proposed new, millennial-oriented (because of course it is) chain of stores called 365.
Described by co-CEO John Mackey as “hip, cool, and tech-oriented,” the stores will be smaller and cheaper than traditional Whole Foods stores. (The better to have a few bitcoin left over for vaping after Mom and Dad PayPal you rent money, right millennials?) They will also feature the aforementioned, hypothetical tattoo parlors, as well as ”cool street services” like bike shops, bone broth booths, and, one can only assume, kiosks where attractive young women with septum piercings reassure shoppers that yes, their beards totally give them a sexy lumberjack look, and aren’t trendy or unoriginal at all.