Photo: Topshop

We’re not rocket scientists or anything, but we’re pretty sure that the whole point of clothing is to cover up your body, so you don’t get chilly or arrested when you venture outside. So we are flummoxed at the announcement today that Topshop is now selling clear pants, for a mere 55 quid (around 70 dollars). The purpose of these pants completely escapes us: To show off cute underwear? To enter a car wash? To see what it was like to be a piece of Joan Crawford’s plastic-encased furniture?

We should have seen it coming, we suppose: Topshop recently announced jeans with clear plastic knees, so entirely plastic jeans were only a shitty brainstorming session away. But we can’t stop thinking about the pain these pants would cause: hot, sweaty, having to be peeled off of your body, likely ripping off a layer of skin on a warm summer day. Honestly, the $425 muddy jeans at Nordstrom make more sense, which is not saying much. In conclusion, this is a dark time for pants.

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