You’ve likely seen The Goonies. You probably love The Goonies. It’s hilarious and heartwarming, full of childlike hijinks and bonds that speak to what at least feel like simpler times. One of the film’s most memorable characters is John Matuszak’s Sloth, the deformed, kindhearted cohort of Lawrence Cohen’s Chunk. And, sure, Sloth was a bit frightening on the outside, but one thing he definitely did not look like is an actual ass.
So, if you’re looking for a Sloth mask this year, do yourself a favor and be mindful of what turns up on Amazon. Because “The Goonies Sloth Mask Halloween Party Costume Decorations”? That’s not Sloth. That’s a butt. That’s a butt with eyes.
It’s also definitely not named “Halloween Mask Novelty Latex Rubber Creepy Horror Goonies Sloth Head Masks Face Frightful for Costume Party,” because that one is also just a butt.
Obviously, we have questions: How does an actual butt with a mouth where the taint is pass as Sloth? Who is buying this thinking this is actually what Sloth looks like? How is this not a hyper-detailed version of Adult Swim’s Assy McGee?
Does this inspire you?
Even if you were looking to dress up as a person with a butt for a face, you’ll want to look elsewhere. “Missing eyeball and doesn’t look like picture at all!” reads the one Amazon review we could find.