Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Somebody went and ranked every Simpsons chalkboard gag

Illustration for article titled Somebody went and ranked every iSimpsons/i chalkboard gag
Screenshot: Videos To Watch (YouTube)

In eras past, humanity bent its will toward the creation of towering monuments and intricately detailed art. Now, bored of big statues and cool pictures, we’ve turned our attention toward the no less important work of ranking every single chalkboard joke from The Simpsons 31 seasons.


Over at Screen Crush, writer Matt Singer has judged “over 350 different” instances of Bart writing out his classroom punishment, highlighting which gags are “quite bad” and which “are transcendent, tiny testaments to how brilliant and subversive The Simpsons can be.”

The ones that get the lowest marks include Bart being forced to write stuff like, “April showers do not bring Matt Lauers,” “I will not skateboard in the halls,” I will not burp in class,” and holiday-themed jokes such as “Reindeer meat does not taste like chicken.” The best instances, meanwhile, include “I won’t not use no double negatives,” “I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface,” “I am not delightfully saucy,” and “Does any kid still do this anymore?” At number one: “I will not waste chalk.


We imagine, because this is a numbered list on the internet, that many people will want to argue over how each of these jokes are placed. To them we say: Go for it. If you can quibble over the exact ranking of 355 screenshots, your input is valuable. After all, this is a public project that can only be completed by as many people as possible devoting way too much time toward its perfection.

Check out the entire list over here.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com


Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter