Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Somebody actually made that terrifying bot-written Olive Garden commercial

Last week, writer and comedian Keaton Patti showed how bots can be a force for good when he said he fed 1,000 hours of Olive Garden ads to a machine and asked it to write one of its own. The result was an absurdist nightmare in the mold of Heiner Müller’s Hamletmachine, a terrorscape where the “pasta nachos” are “warm and defeated,” the “unlimited stick” is “infinite,” and the perils of Friend 4 are suffused with an inexplicable sense of dread.


It was only a matter of time until some brave souls sought to bring it to terrifying life, and now that day has come. You may want to approach with caution, however.

This one-minute stab of lunacy comes from the crew of a company that makes driver’s ed videos and, though its breadsticks are far from infinite, the group more than adequately captured the “wet voice” called for in the script’s closing moments. And the “secret soup”? Well, don’t watch this while you’re eating, please.

[via Mashable]

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About the author

Randall Colburn

Randall Colburn is The A.V. Club's Internet Culture Editor. He lives in Chicago, occasionally writes plays, and was a talking head in Best Worst Movie, the documentary about Troll 2.