Full House is unnerving enough without anyone adding to it. A family of stiff, robotic people make bad jokes to one another and share moments of emotional growth while an unseen crowd laughs, applauds, and swoons over every one of their actions. To see a creepy Full House, you only need to watch Full House (or, god forbid, Fuller House) in 2019.
And yet, sensing that there was a way to add a more acute sense of unease to the show, deepfake-creator Dr. Fakenstein—whose life’s work, we’d like to add, will one day destroy us all—has gone and edited the Full House opening credits so every one of the actors’ faces are replaced with a mustachioed Nick Offerman.
The video is an immediate audiovisual assault. Offerman’s face sits eerily atop Michelle Tanner’s childish visage and she, in turn, is sandwiched between her Offerman-styled uncles, Jesse and Joey, while a distorted Danny drives a car next to a mangled D.J. in the first shot alone.
Nobody escapes this wretched treatment. As the cast is introduced one by one, we see Offerman-Saget polishing his car, Offerman-Cameron typing away at her computer, and Offerman-Sweetin, god damn it all, smiling and waving directly into the camera. The worst of all this is reserved for baby Michelle, who dances mustachioed and adult-eyed in a tutu before joining her freakish sisters in a clone-faced chain of sibling hair-brushing.
In case you were worried Offerman may have reacted poorly to his likeness being used for the infernal “Full House Of Mustaches,” let him put your mind at ease. He took to Twitter last night to say he considers this technologically-enabled hall of twisted mirrors his “career peak.”
Even if you find this whole thing more unsettling than hilarious, remember that it has another utility, too. Perhaps Lori Loughlin will watch the clip and get inspired, realizing that she could escape the law by gluing on a fake mustache and hiding her identity behind the skin-mask of Nick Offerman. Wouldn’t we all be glad to see the wanted posters if Aunt Becky tried to flee justice with Ron Swanson’s mug pasted over her own?
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