Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Some lingering questions we have after watching this guy throw a grenade into an ATM

Good morning. Ever wondered what would happen if you put a live grenade inside an ATM in the middle of the desert? Here is a video of a man throwing a live M67 frag grenade into an ATM machine in the desert to see what would happen. Spoiler Alert: What you think would happen, happens.

Okay. Hi, hello. Welcome back. First, some background: This 10-minute video comes courtesy of YouTuber Edwin Sarkissian, who appears to mainly upload weapons testings clips, such as seeing how many iPads (and footballs, and pumpkins, and hams) it takes to stop a crossbow bolt, firing a Beretta 81 at a bunch of Payday candy bars, and launching a bowling ball cannon from the seat of a PT Cruiser. Like putting a grenade in an ATM, they all go about how you expect. And yet, after watching this clip of a man throwing a grenade into an ATM, we would like to posit the following questions.

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What the fuck?

What the fuck, man? How could anyone think this would be a good idea, especially under the conditions shown in the video? This guy seriously just drops a live grenade into an ATM and runs as far away as he could before it explodes? Did he really think running thirty feet and laying down on his stomach would keep him safe from a grenade detonating inside a 250-pound metal box? Which leads us to our next question...

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What did you expect would happen?

Okay, we’ll level with you: For a few moments, we honestly didn’t know what might happen. Like, of course shoving a military-grade explosive into an ATM would blow it apart into hundreds of lethal projectiles. But, then again, maybe it wouldn’t? ATMs are made to withstand a lot of abuse. A grenade would undoubtedly ruin the thing, but perhaps it’d stay largely intact after cartoonishly launching into the air to the tune of a slide-whistle?

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No, it blows up. So we ask...

Did you forget your helmet?

Body armor? A heavy jacket, at least? What magical creature put a forcefield around you? Also...

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Isn’t this technically a felony?

The two men in the video repeatedly joke about owing the bank a new ATM after exploding it with a goddamn grenade. They even show a clip of them loading up the ATM behind a Bank of America. If they are telling the truth about how it all went down, this has to be some kind of felony, right? After the ATM disintegrates, they spend a good deal of time walking around and picking up fragments of money. How much money was wasted there? That’s a crime, right?

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If it’s actually all a sham and they legally obtained an obsolete ATM and filled it with fake money, that doesn’t change the fact that they put a grenade into a cash machine and blew it up. In which case, see question one.

Does Ray J know what you guys are doing?

Sarkissian’s video comes with a sponsorship from Raycon, the Bluetooth headphone company co-owned by Ray J. Does he know what they are literally burning through his money? Is Ray J accessory to a felony now?

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This video of a man tossing a grenade into an ATM may have answered one question, but it’s inadvertently dropped a grenade inside a Pandora’s Box of additional ones. And who knows what that might do.

Toss live Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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