Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Snoop Dogg, to a pinecone: "Somebody tell me what this is? A who? A pinecone?”

This weekend, as part of his dumb-meme-brought-to-life friendship with Martha Stewart, Snoop Dogg took a trip to Stewart’s home in Katonah, New York. While enjoying the well-appointed charms of Westchester County, Snoop saw something he’d never seen before, and took to Instagram to share his discovery:


“I’m a naturistic motherfucker,” says Snoop. “Look what I done picked up, man. Somebody tell me what this is? A who? A pinecone?”

After being informed that the object is indeed a pinecone, Snoop resolves to take the cone back with him to California.


For his followers online, this would seem like a good moment to share with Snoop Dogg the many wonders of the humble pinecone. Does he know that there are both male and female pinecones? Is he aware that the White Pinecone is the official state flower of Maine? Or maybe Snoop would be interested to learn that there is an entire annual pinecone festival, not two hours from his own home in Los Angeles.

Instead, thousands of useless chuckleheads turned up in the comments of Snoop’s post either to repeat the same exact joke about Snoop smoking the pinecone (the pinecone, you see, looks somewhat like a blunt—the marijuana-filled cigar Snoop Dogg is known to favor) or just to boast about their own awareness of conifer reproductive systems.


Thankfully, Snoop has a Real Friend in fellow rapper Big Sean, who, it seems, does fuck with pinecones. Instead of engaging in cone-shaming or lording his superior pinecone-awareness over Snoop like the rest of his ungrateful followers, Big Sean is here with some helpful cone-hacks for Snoop and the general public alike.

This is what a true friend looks like.
Screenshot: Instagram

Wow. Now everyone has learned something new, all thanks to Big Sean. Although an internet search for “pinecone bug repellant” doesn’t yield any results confirming Sean’s assertions, presumably this is because Big Sean provides the sort of folksy knowledge one can’t get from sitting around on the internet all day.

Check out pinecones for yourself in a forest near you today.

Send Great Job, Internet tips or useful pinecone facts to gji@theonion.com


Contributor, The A.V. Club.

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