Human Rorschach test DJ Khaled—who seems to exist largely to provide the world with stupid things for other, less ridiculous human beings to angrily react to—fulfilled his purpose yet again yesterday, when a years-old video of him talking about his sexual inclinations came to light. Specifically—and as reported by our friends over at The Root—the tape, from an old Breakfast Club interview, featured Khaled expressing his opinion that oral sex should be a one-way street from women to men, and that there are “different rules” about what a king should do in bed, and that he would never go down on his wife even though she regularly goes down on him, and just a whole lot of other regressive, stupid horseshit.
Honestly—and with apologies to Mrs. Khaled—we couldn’t really give a shit about what this guy does or does not do sexually. But it was fascinating to watch the internet collectively react to his idiocy, forming an unlikely but powerful coalition in favor of the simple art of cunnilingus. Really, there just aren’t that many topics where Smash Mouth and dictionary.com can come together to present a united front. (A note of warning: Maybe resist the urge to click on that Smash Mouth tweet at work; the thread devolves into Shrek porn with a frightening, if not surprising, quickness.)
And while we’ll skip over all the performative posts that people—mostly straight dudes—have made in response to Khaled’s comments about their own willingness, nay, enthusiasm to support the women of the world sexually, whenever they want, you’ve got their number, there were some other good dunks on the topic from the Twitter set over the last day or two:
In a way, we’re honestly kind of grateful to DJ Khaled, for selflessly giving of himself to the comedy world, putting in the work to leave us satisfied with the chance to viciously mock his big dumb opinions on sex.
Aw, heck, we’re a little tired, but why not go one more round, huh?