Iron Man sees this mountain as an allegory for Fifty Shades Of Grey, and it must be climbed

2015 has already seen Fifty Shades Of Grey set a new record to become Fandango’s fastest-selling R-rated movie in history. But Avengers: Age Of Ultron is about to make Fifty Shades Of Grey look like a sad, milquetoast version of itself. (That shouldn’t be difficult, considering that Fifty Shades Of Grey makes Fifty Shades Of Grey look sad and milquetoast.) According to The Hollywood Reporter, advance tickets are already on sale for Marvel’s ultra-mega-additional-superlatives-as-well-blockbuster.

Nearly two months prior to the film’s release, both Fandango and Movietickets.com have begun selling tickets in anticipation of the flood of Avengers fanatics storming the gates of theaters, through the fanatical advance act of clicking a mouse several times and entering a credit card number. Of course, Fifty Shades Of Grey isn’t rated PG-13, let alone a sequel, where the advance ticket sales can really go nuts. The real pawn of Ultron in the distance is The Hunger Games and its sequels, which currently hold records for advance ticket sales. (The Hunger Games: Catching Fire also released tickets nearly two months before its release, because even if Hollywood executives are stupid, their financial analysts are not.) So go ahead and get tickets for the opening month of Avengers: Age Of Ultron, and…what’s that? You want opening weekend tickets? Haha, good one. They’ve been on sale for hours already.

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