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Sesame Street’s new “alt-right” Muppet will teach your kids how to spell “cuck”

Image: Funny or Die

Last week, Sesame Street got a new resident in Julia, an orange-haired Muppet with autism. Funny Or Die has envisioned a distressingly realistic possibility for another new Muppet in the form of Stan, a character that aims to educate children on the issues important to the eminently punchable “alt-right,” a subsection of society identifiable by their dislike of “political correctness” and admiration for national socialism. It’s all a gag, and the real Sesame Street is far too forward-thinking to do anything like this, but they flesh the concept out with surprising depth.

Stan would evoke Bert by way of Hitler Youth, what with his toothbrush mustache and greasy undercut. Stan’s fire-engine-red shirt proclaims, “LOCK HER UP!” while the character himself spouts infectious catchphrases like “Where are the emails?”; “So much winning”; and “Thinking your daughter is hot is fine.” His backstory, apparently, involves Stan having run away from home due to his “liberal snowflake parents.” He was drawn to Sesame Street “because its initials are SS, just like the Schutzstaffel, Hitler’s paramilitary organization in Nazi Germany.”


“Being alt-right means that Stan often flails his arms around when someone refutes his bullshit with facts,” hypothetical puppeteer Debra Thompson says in the article. “His back is often hunched also, as if even gravity hates him and wants to push him directly to hell where he belongs. It’s very interesting to control Stan and it also makes me hate myself.” You can get many more details on the speculative fiction of Stan’s trip to Sesame Street here, then spend the rest of the day envisioning how he would shame Cookie Monster, shitpost about Elmo, rail against the companionship of Bert and Ernie, and interrupt the Count’s number-counting segments to take his shirt off and drink milk.

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