Photo: James Devaney / Getty Images

The beauty of democracy is that it offers citizens a choice, or at least the illusion of one. For example, for the average Joe Chipotle—come on, no one uses lunch pails anymore—the time and expense involved in booking a plane ticket and flying out to meet a woman they don’t know in order to cash in on promises of oral sex if they vote for Hillary Clinton is probably not worth the fleeting pleasure of said sexual encounter.

But, hypothetically, they could do that. They even have a choice: They could either receive oral pleasure from Madonna—who offered free blowjobs to Clinton voters onstage at Madison Square Garden last month—or from porn actresses Angelina Castro and Maggie Green, who put out a similar offer today. See? Democracy! (Sorry, gay men and non-penis-havers, the offers do seem to be exclusively heterosexual in nature. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere.)

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And it’s a good thing we have a choice, too, because Madonna is going to have to take her foot out of her mouth first. As reported by Deadspin, last night Madonna showed up to play a surprise concert in support of Hillary Clinton in New York’s Washington Square Park. But rather than an uplifting display of political unity, the performance turned awkward when audience members laughed at Madonna’s assertion of herself as a “minority”:

Women are actually the majority in America at 50.8 percent, according to the 2010 Census, but Madonna’s point seems to be that as long as women are marginalized in public life, they still count as a minority. Unless, of course, the “minority” Madonna is referring to is “A-list celebrities offering blowjobs to random people for publicity,” in which case, yeah, that’s a pretty small group.

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