Sean Spicer, the holy fool of the Russian tragedy novel that is our current existence, has been a reliable source of comic pathos ever since his first appearance as press secretary, be it the revelations of his years-long war against ice cream balls, his desperate attempts to laugh off Melissa McCarthy’s impressions of him, getting into a fight with the press over where he was born, or any of the many hourly humiliations he endures while attempting to deflect criticism of a president who repeatedly leaves him hanging, twisting in the wind of his baggy suits. But it wasn’t always this way. Once, Sean Spicer commanded respect from presidents and regular citizens, young and old alike. Once he could stroll the halls of the White House and people would clear a path, awed to be in his presence. Once upon a time, Sean Spicer was the Easter Bunny.
Spicer’s past glories have been mentioned before here and there, but they were sung anew this weekend by animation veteran and Kim Possible co-creator Robert Schooley, who unearthed a 2008 Politico Q&A with Spicer about his once-illustrious reign over the White House’s annual Easter Egg Roll. His is a story now tinged with wistful sadness, for a time when the adorable faces of little kids and George W. Bush would light up to see him, and when he didn’t have to talk. When he wasn’t even permitted to talk.
Other photographic evidence of Spicer’s last happy days have surfaced on social media, including this one, taken from a 2013 Washington Post profile of the tradition, which captures him in the moments just before being crowned with the bunny head. Look at Sean Spicer’s beaming face, so filled with joy and gum! If only he could have stayed within that bunny suit forever!
But alas, glory fades. Today’s beloved Easter Bunny becomes tomorrow’s despised, trembling poodle, kicked with disgust by its owner into the foyer to yap futilely at solicitors. No doubt there are times when Sean Spicer still closes his eyes and wishes he were back strapped inside that deliciously suffocating, vision-obstructing, fur bondage suit, where he finally feels loved.
Maybe you’ll get back there someday, Sean Spicer. Maybe soon.