Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Scorpion grew up on a farm in Wigamau, PA and other highlights from these iMortal Kombat/i placeholder bios
Screenshot: YouTube

With Mortal Kombat 11 approaching its first birthday and a new film reboot currently filming in Australia, the MK franchise shows no signs of succumbing to its many, many wounds. Part of the seminal, ultra-violent franchise’s near 30-year appeal—Itchy & Scratchy levels of blood and viscera aside—is its batshit insane mythos, which NetherRealms Studios founders often koncocted on the fly. It can be difficult, then, to keep up with all the many karacter backstories, so, to save time, we’re going to start referring only to the placeholder bios below, the likes of which were unearthed via a particularly obscure cheat kode from 1998's Mortal Kombat 4.

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Veteran competitive MK player and Twitch streamer Jake Neal reminded us over the holidays about these oddball bits of Kombat trivia. In an MK4 developer revision, bios for the many karacters were disabled, but kould still be found if one knew the right kodes. Surprisingly, the placeholders, in many kases, are even better than the actual MK backstories.

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Take, for instance, this retconned history of fan favorite Scorpion, who, instead of being a dead ninja from Hell (or something similar), “grew up on a farm in Wigamau, PA.” It continues, “When his best friend punched him in the neck, he vowed to find him and show him that was not satisfactory behavior.”

Perhaps the best is the stand-in for Fujin, God of Wind—a karacter first playable in MK4.

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“Windgod was always embarrassed ‘cause his mom made him wear his hair in a ponytail. Now he’s got quite the attitude.” You and us both, Windgod Fujin.

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Note: Kontrary to what this article may imply, we are not in kontractual partnership with NetherRealm Studios, and thereby are not obligated to replace all C’s with K’s. But k’mon, how kould we not? Apologies, of kourse, to the kopywriting department.

Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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