Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Scooters are exxxtreme as hell in this crazy wicked 2000 video

Screenshot: Consumer Time Capsule (YouTube)

We all know scooters—sorry, “scooterz”—are the best of all personal-sized, self-propelling vehicles. While bicycles and skateboards were short-lived fads that nobody uses anymore and rollerblades are eternally for dorks, the scooter was such a powerfully cool invention that it could hardly be contained to the few months at the turn of the millennium when every kid had one. It burned bright but, like the puka shell necklace and JNCO jeans, was a supernova of hipness that could only endure for a brief period of time.

If you need any more persuasion, consider Scooterz, a 20-minute look into exactly how badass little wheeled boards with a handle bar truly are, released back in the heady days of the year 2000.

Uploaded by the historians at Consumer Time Capsule, Scooterz is a ‘tude-filled look into the dynamic, early ‘00s subculture of little kids with frosted tips zipping around neighborhoods on shiny metal planks. After hyping us up with a warning that reads “All of the activities here in are extremely dangerous,” we see a jean-shorted boy retrieving his folded scoot’ from a school locker while an ominous church bell rings out premature mourning for the coming death of his favorite vehicle. Knowing that time is of the essence, he hits the road (real 2000s-era scootheads call this the “Tarmacdaddy”) and comes upon an old man on an accessibility scooter.

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While the senior’s ride isn’t nearly as sweet as the boy’s, he offers him a drag race nonetheless and proceeds to just absolutely clown on the fucker. The boy scoot-circles around him, showing that his vehicle is far better than a mobility device for the elderly. A plot twist soon after reveals that the old man is his grandfather and the scene shifts to a guy in wraparound sunglasses and a porcupine’s back of bleached, gel-encrusted hair summing up the history of, and making a sales pitch for, scooters.

That out of the way, the majority of the clip then becomes the world’s most ridiculous skate video. A bunch of little boys in cargo shorts, baby teeth still jutting from their gobs, are shown ripping extreme moves like “doing a tiny hop over a curb,” “riding down a relatively steep hill,” and “spinning the scooter around by its handlebars.” It’s set to some bland pop rock, and it shows some of the unique athletic culture associated with scooting, like cracking a few frosty juice boxes and exploring a playground with the boys.

More than just a time capsule of bygone marketing tactics, Scooterz is a shot in the arm for all those waiting to get in front of the coming scooter nostalgia sure to appear within the next few years. Take it from the sunglasses-wearing video host when he says, “Baseball’s supposed to be America’s pastime, yet the number of kids getting involved with the ‘sports of the new millennium are growing every day.”

Don’t get left behind. It’s time to scoot again.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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About the author

Reid McCarter

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.