Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Scientists stoked to find a dinosaur's "perfect" butthole

Illustration for article titled Scientists stoked to find a dinosaur's "perfect" butthole
Photo: Universal Pictures/ Handout (Getty Images)

At long last, the world has discovered the first preserved dinosaur asshole and, friends, we couldn’t be happier to share that it’s both “unique” and “perfect.” This scientific breakthrough was covered in an article from Live Science published yesterday, providing a look deep into the dino anuses previously hidden between the scaly buttcheeks of prehistory.

Just underneath a sub-heading that reads, simply, “This was a multipurpose hole,” the article goes on to explain that the discovery of a well preserved Psittacosaurus specimen that’s “scientifically known as a cloacal vent” has allowed paleontologists a better understanding of how dinosaurs laid eggs, banged, peed, and shit. Apparently the ancient butthole (which included the “remnants of two small bulges” that are probably scent glands used to blast ass gas at mates) is most similar to a crocodile’s. But, as paleobiologist Jakob Vinter says, it’s ultimately “it’s own cloaca, shaped in its perfect, unique way.”

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An included illustration shows us “how the dinosaur Psittacosaurus may have used its cloacal vent (a.k.a. butthole) for signaling during courtship.” The image, in short, shows one dinosaur eagerly inspecting another’s ass with an unknowable expression—of intense curiosity, surprise, or, dare we say, desire—on its beaky dinosaur face.

The article has made some envious of Vinter’s glowing review of the rare butthole, while others have wondered about the criteria used to make this judgment.

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Many have also been drawn to the facial expression depicted in the illustration.

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Probably the best response, though, is Brody Logan’s masterclass use of a Jurassic Park GIF.

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Once the sense of overwhelming wonder fades, it’s good to know that scientists have also discovered that Psittacosaurus had “a fossilized poop in its butt” and that its cloaca was “like a Swiss Army knife of excretory openings.” Unfortunately, they aren’t sure if it was vertically or horizontally oriented and can only speculate that “this dinosaur likely had copulatory sex” but, goddamn it, Twitter seems more than willing to use its imagination to fill in where the evidence leaves off.

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For more details on the latest in dinosaur asshole news, read Live Science’s article.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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