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Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Scientists plan to shoot massive load of sperm samples onto the moon

The moon...duh.
The moon...duh.
Photo: Norberto Duarte (Getty Images)

March has, to our surprise, been a real banner month for highly publicized cumshots. We foolishly thought the month’s climax was achieved with the basketball “hand sanitizer cam” a couple of weeks ago, and all semen-adjacent news would have to wait while the world reclined in a tired stupor and recharged itself. But now we’ve learned that a group of scientists from the University Of Arizona have proposed blowing a big load of sperm and egg samples onto the moon.


The plan was worked up at this year’s Institute Of Electrical And Electronics Engineers Aerospace Conference—long known as the most erotic of engineering conferences. In a video from the event (SFW despite its many lurid references to “lunar pits” and “lava tubes”) the University Of Arizona team proposed the creation of “a modern Ark” beneath the moon’s surface that would contain a biological treasure trove of animal fluids.

The ark would consist of a giant sperm bank, plunged deep within some of the moon’s many lava-etched holes in order to preserve genetic material in case the Earth is annihilated thanks to events within or outside of humanity’s control. Because these lunar pits are protected from temperature changes and radiation, they offer an ideal storage solution for the reproductive gunk that allows life to continue.

The Arizona team suggests that advanced robots would be necessary in order to move through the extremely cold lunar pit vaults and handle the samples. We don’t know how feasible any of this is because our formal science education stopped before the phase that lets you formulate concepts like, “fill the moon with semen.” Regardless, you know what they say: Shoot for the moon, and your rocket filled with a massive library of frozen cum should at least end up among the stars.

[via Vice]

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.